alot of quarrels lately and i think it's all because of me. i'm demanding and suffocating i guess. weekdays he got nights out. but always i have to wait for a couple of hours before i get to see him. the number of hours i have to wait for a week on the average is around 15hours or more. perhaps that's why i snapped. i never wait for friends more than 2hours. i will get very annoyed and irritated. several times he couldn't make it to meet me due to camp issues. but to me, no matter how understanding a person is, there's doubt to have a time whereby the person can no longer tolerate.

today he told me he could meet me around 6:30pm. i was so delighted that i faster pack my stuffs and took the LRT back. after an hour in the library waiting, he told me they having some internal conflicts and wont be able to meet me. i know it's not his fault, but i can't help to be angry and upset. i made a decision. that's not to meet him during weekdays including fridays anymore. perhaps this would affect a little, it could also affect alot. we could drift, or we could have lesser arguements over the issue of him letting me wait in vain. nevertheless, when he agreed, my heart broke and tears rolled down.

ever since this relationship starts, i'm weak and fragile. tears roll down easily and also heart pain. sometimes there's nothing more than emptiness in this relationship. just like yang cheng lin's song, shi mian de shui mei ren.

空荡荡是你给我的堡垒 我不说只希望你能了解

或许没有期待，没有等待的感情，
就不会有那么多的心伤，
没有那么失落，没有那么多争执。
感情会变谈吗？