actually today i wasn't really that mad at you until i don't want to talk to you for the whole day. just that.. when you said the pirate of the carribean that movie, it just reminded me of what happened exactly 2 months ago. i really wonder what were you thinking and feeling at that point of time.
do you know how hard it is to keep all the hurt and pain and tears inside me, without letting you know, without letting you see? didn't tell you cause i don't want you to worry, don't want you to get fed up with me again and start preaching me about past, present and future.. i don't want all that. the only thing i want is the answer to my question still. i can accept anything. as long as there's an answer. you can even tell me loneliness was the cause. it's okay. i can understand. but don't leave me stranded anymore.
i'm just like a kite. tied down by the questions and doubts. i want to fly. i really want to fly and be freed of all these uneasiness in me. you said i never thought about your feelings. when you said i'm living in the past, have you thought about my feelings? i don't know if you'd let all those go and really bring nothing with you from the past and moved on. but for me, my heart is still dripping...dripping blood caused by the thorns that were surrounding your world. the thorns caused holes. holes that never heal any time soon. i know it isn't the time to write all these and bother you while you're so busy. but i just can't help it. people says we're so loving and all that. but deep down i don't feel that way. i feel sad. i feel scarred. i feel tainted.
do you think i always like to act silly and blur? it's one of the ways to avoid letting you see what's really beyond those eyes. it's one of the ways to avoid myself from walking in the same footsteps as others. i never regretted my decisions. not this time too. just.. i need more time. time to reassure myself.. time to recover.. time to heal.. i can forgive, but i can't forget. my memory never fails at such things. which is why i hate my own memory so much.
一路走来不易 不想就此放弃 可是却没力气 再沿路走下去