firstly, i finished exams! secondly, happy chinese new year! lastly, i'm jobless. ha!
nothing much to update. just that lately i'd been giving alot of thoughts on this relationship. maybe situations around me influences or rather sparks off my thoughts. i actually thought of letting go of this whole relationship. it's tiring. but i don't feel that i had done my very best. just that my battery is dried up. i told myself "wow! i manage to bring it through half a year. why not try some more?" although i know the road ahead of me is filled with thorns. each step i take there's only one small area of happiness. it's covered by shadows of darkness.

孤单的城市黑得特别明显 没有你我却想要安静一点

~ 交换

music influences my thoughts. but in the silent and lonely nights, the songs spoke what my heart felt. i guess lately i had been a rather cry-baby. ha! the longer it is, the deeper and clearer you see, the more tears in return. is it really worth it? i often think to myself during this new year period. almost every night you could say. perhaps the longer it gets, the more i expects from him. things that he should already had known, he doesn't. this pissed me off pretty much most of the time.

不小心当泪滑过嘴角 就用你握过的手抹掉

~ 遗失的美好

maybe the past is never a obstacle for him. but i had told him many many many times that my love life can never tolerate any imperfections. but he had it tainted. just like my heart, my memory. and what a big hole it is. the wound never heals. neither does it gets smaller. the bleeding never ceeds to stop. no thread is strong enough to close the hole. no cotton is ever enough to stop the blood. i only have me, myself and i. especially now i dont wish to bother alot of people with such things. so what if i confided in someone and cry all over again about it? they cant help me. if they do manage to coax me and make me smile, i would think to myself, why cant he simply do it?

太多的委屈 存在我和你的中间
你要我相信 爱情有永恒的终点

~ 交换

can i just be selfish and self-centered? i dont wanna care for anyone anymore. the more i care, the more problems there is. the more concern i show for others, the more jealous he is i supposed. the platform between us, it's drifting, drifting away from me.. i dont like this feeling of so near yet so far. i know this feeling too well. i'm at a melting point by which i can either freeze again or boils and evaporates. it's easy to see and advice others. but the parties involved are always blinded.

我不哭不笑 只剩下沉默

~ 不痛