recently hooked on to this anime Elementar Gerad which is also showing now on SCV CH56. i like one of the songs the best. "FictionJunction ASUKA - everlasting song"
now i'm damn pissed off with my family. i don't understand why i am borned in such a family. being the youngest you don't have to freedom of speech or free will of your own to do anything you like. you can't even take things at your own pace. the acceptance just opened on 2nd May. today is only 5th May. and stupidly my mum argued with me over it. i already told her very nicely much earlier than my application it is not based on a first-come-first-served basis. so just now being rather pissed off, cause everyday after work i come home all i get is.. "you do your NTU thing already or not? still don't want to do is it? later you cannot get in don't come crying to me and ask me how." yah right.. since when i will go crying to them and ask them for help? at most i don't study and go work now. and so i just said slightly louder that "i tell you already it is not on a first-come-first-served basis what." and so the shouting began and it goes like this.. "cannot talk properly is it? must so attitude ah?"
to my "family"..
i'm already going to be 20years old. when will you all trust me to settle my own things? when will you all let loose your ever suffocating grip? i dont need such a "family" to be here. at most i sleep in parks and find a permanent job. it's not that i don't have the opportunities to have a contract based work. you all made me shut them up so i can fulfilled all your dreams of going into NTU and study without detouring. if i'm so capable, why am i not rewarded or encouraged in any ways at all? i seriously don't feel a part in this family. whatever i do or say is wrong. everything is just wrong in your eyes. what more do you expect of me? i'm not rebellious. i'm a straight As student. what the f*ck you all want me to do still? why do you all always say i'm stupid when my results are so good? i didn't get Certificate Of Merit (COM), so what? is that very important? then why don't you get a GPA of 3.78 yourself? stop complaining and start living. i can't believe that you all have just wasted all your years on Earth by just complaining about life and all.
to my "dearest sister"..
if paying for my school fees from your CPF is so unwillingly, then don't bother. still have to write what letter to CPF board. you think i know such things when you have once worked in CPF Building before you should understand better. why is it that i can't even get a break from work!? let me just tell you that there is nothing written on the website regarding such issues. i put up the contacts all on the fridge. jolly well go call them up and enquire more then. all you all like to do is throw me into the water and expects me to swim. in real life i can't swim. but in these, i think i not only can swim very well i can even dive. but do you appreciate it? do you see what i'm trying hard to do? all my life i lived just to please and satisfy your dreams. what is it that you all have ever given me as a family as a sister? the answer is NOTHING. you all gave me nothing but hurt, tears and maybe slight depression. i used to think life is happy. but with this family around everything just sucks and i feel like dying since the age of 8. it's been 12years that i harbour such thoughts. do you all ever notice? the answer is NO! NEVER!
to everyone out there..
if you all ever felt this way, you would understand what i am going through now. if you all never felt this way, don't try to preach me on things that your family is just being worried and concerned about you. you don't show concer to someone you love and cherish in such ways. do you see boyfriend/girlfriend treating each other such way? if they do, you know it wont be long before they separates. i'm just pessimistic? i wasn't born to be like this. but i don't understand why others just out to make us into such people. they don't have the right to blame us for being who we are today. and perhaps as always.. when you needed someone to be there for you, there's no one. words are just sweets that are used to pamper kids who are still so innocent and naive. not knowing how vicious and vengeful this world is to them. is this why people always say the new generations are getting out of hand? but come to think of it, what made us this way? think before you comment, fools.