that day when i took a cab home, you know what the taxi driver talked to me about? it's about studies, relationship and marriage. he tell me to further my studies till like PhD. but what's the point i mean. already so old and i dont wanna be pregnant doing my PhD at that time. relationship.. he tell me he young time regret. marry early in the end now 18 years later the wife left him and the 3 sons. poor thing. he told me after all that he'd been through, there's no love thingy in this world. everyone's just finding someone whom they think they can live with like a family for the rest of their life and get married eventually. it's more like a responsibility thing than love. then, it really makes me ponder. what's love actually? long term companionship? i wonder.

recently, been having small hiccups here and there in life. sometimes i feel upset when people tell me, "how's things for you guys? been doing well? long time no see." i wonder if it's really out of concern or they are trying to find out if the relationship had ended. if you're really concern about me, why did you side with the one who hurt me so much in the first place and pointed fingers at me? so, stop faking. it's not that i never tried to talk to you guys or ask you all out. you are the one not replying or simply shutting me out of your life. now tides have calmed, you turning your tail back to wag at me? so sorry, i would simply tell you this..

if you are my friend, why didn't you believe me? instead, you said nasty things behind my back, trying to make my relationship not work out. if you are my friend, why didn't you reply my smses/pm when i ask you out or to play a game of dota? so, dont say i never contact you. you're the one who chose to stay out of my life. since the day you didn't respect my decision, you chose to shut me out. stop spreading rumors to others that i'm not contacting you, making yourself a victim. stop all your nonsense at this instant.
do not do onto others, unless you want others to do onto you.

why am i so emo today? just cause i am emo-ing. i tried not to. but it got triggered..

1. people who forgot my birthday coming to me wishing me happy birthday on sunday and today.
2. found out that someone still loves me so much despite me hurting him that much 4 years ago.
3. my ranting pissed someone off.
4. chest pain is acting and simply no one is here.
5. stressed out by my family, money issues, school, friendships and relationship.

everyone wants a break. how about me? when can i have my break?