emo till max for the past few days. can say it's the second most emo christmas up till now. had a chalet at downtown east with the lwt people. alot of people turn up. me, wind, bon, lq, fei, eric, val, icemilo, rs, zai, arti, corine, bear, aod, diana, sc, pam, sj, kl, shaun, swordy. the bbq was great man. haha. lq is our main chef and i am the assistant chef of that day. haha. they bought alot of seafood which i dont eat at all. so i just help to cook them. everyone plays a part one way or another except for one bitch.

i never like that bitch since the first time i saw her and i sweared that if she ever did flirt with any guys in the chalet, i would have given her one tight slap. why? cause she's attached and more like she's using the boyfriend. but they broke up already after the chalet. long story. but it's damn childish reason. some friends adviced the guy to patch. but i think otherwise. i trust my instincts. she's just using him for something. perhaps for company, or for money. zzz. anyway, that's that. another pair nearly got together but there's some complications involved.

after bbq, of course it's cards playing time. haha. wind won 16bucks. me just break even for what i lost. >.< i have bad luck if money is involved. anyway, i didn't have any christmas gift from wind. he bought chivas and topped up for the bbq money for the chalet. alot of money. even though in my heart some place i wished that he would still have gotten me some surprises. come on, who dont like surprises, especially from your loved ones. >.<

anyway, some of us started to drink. i drank mixers so it wasn't that bad. had martell, chivas, vodka with green tea, sprite or lemonade. then they started drinking martell + chivas + vodka + barcadi mix. zzz. then, comes the most emo part of the night. noise + my trust kana betrayed. it's so damn noisy that we kana complained twice and some of us got to go downstairs to continue talking the rest sleeping or playing psp in the room.

about my trust kana betrayed. how should i put it. i was chatting with diana downstairs. then she wanted to go sleep. so we went up. and guess what i saw? i saw people smoking. and who was in that group? wind. great. if i didn't see it, he would have told me later. okay. some of you may think it's just smoking what's the big deal? the big deal is there was a promise made. so simply i stand infront of him and ask him to puff in my face. he didn't. i stood there till almost 1/2 of the ciggy was burnt and decided to go to the room.

then, i got out again. damn noisy. they continued drinking. i forbid him to go on. then we went to walk around and had a thrash out kinda conversation. i cried in front of him and some friends. why? cause of what happened previously outside Cathay and also about him smoking i guess. to add on to the emo-ness, it was partly due to pms mood swings. all the emotions filled me up and i couldn't contain it anymore when eric triggered the button. not his fault. but the topics kinda started from him.

wind said that he loves me lots, needs me to be there etc etc. i cry even more. haha. dont ask me why. perhaps for quite some time, i feel that he didn't love me that much anymore. he doesn't need me to be there anymore since he has others with him, making his day. with me such a crybaby around, it's filled with tears, emo-ness, misunderstandings etc etc. even though such assurance words were said, i am still damn emo. lately he more and more fierce. my tender loving care and concern were just irritating him i guess. after chalet, happened a few times. always ended up as a little heated conversation and emo-ness.

yesterday (27/12) also emo till max. zai and corine broke up. very upset. so a few of them went pubbing. wind joined them. so to be nice, i let him go and i came back around 7plus and emo all the way till now. dont ask me why. i dont know. i watched 超级星光大道 and this round they have to sing one emo song followed by one happy song. so called the "hell" song and the "heaven" song. i got even more emo. but thankfully in between there were some jokes and kinda lifted my emo-ness. some of the emo songs they sang were, 陌生人, 改变, 雨天 the rest of the songs i didn't really have a deep impression of. the "heaven" songs not really to my liking though.

today went kbox with zai, swordy, eric, bon and wind. had a great time singing. though i wished i could have finished singing 暧昧 cause we were rushing and every song just half of it and skipped. >.< bon says my voice like yang cheng ling. haha. sometimes i think my voice can be like liang jing ru too if i wanna. keke. tomorrow going to weiming's birthday chalet at ECP. busy christmas. haha. see ya peeps. bye~