张靓颖 - 我们说好的

好吗 一句话就哽住了喉
城市 当背景的海市蜃楼
我们 像分隔着一整个宇宙
再见 都化作乌有

我们说好绝不放开相互牵的手
可现实说光有爱还不够
走到分岔的路口
你向左我向右
我们都倔强得不曾回头

我们说好就算分开一样做朋友
时间说我们从此不可能再问候
人群中再次邂逅
你变得那么瘦
我还是沦陷在你的眼眸

我们说好一起老去看细水长流
却将会成为别人的某某
又到分岔的路口
你向左我向右
我们都强忍着不曾回头

我们说好下个永恒里面再碰头
爱情会活在时光节节败退后
下一次如果邂逅
你别再那么瘦
我想一直沦陷在你的眼眸
（这是无可救药爱情的荒谬）

Are You Nursing a Fever?

it's been so long since i blogged. alot of things had happened. the stories for another entry later. this entry is about "Resentment Flu". came across it on the website and it was their daily advice article. found it interesting. probably cause i think i'm already somewhat like what was described in the article. take a couple of minutes off what you're doing and take a look at it. maybe it will answer the questions and doubts you're having or why are you feeling this way.

long time no blog.. just wanna post this song lyrics here as a reflection of my feelings.. dont wish to blog about what happened. cause it always the same old thing happening time and again. my heart is already shattered till it's numb. history just keep repeating. what is trust? it's long gone with the rain. time and again.. my feelings seemed to be so negligible i guess. so simply humans are so selfish creatures that they do things for their own leisure and pleasure without caring for what people around them would feel. exams are just around the corner. and yet here i am emo-ed and feeling so messed up. initially there wasn't much motivation to make me study. now, there's none. so here's the song..

---

蔡依林 - 妥协

你总爱编织谎言
我负责配合表演
所有改变 只为了进入你的世界
这情节 重复了一百遍
才发现 是你的心太远
you always like to lie
i always played along
all the changes made just to enter your world
this scene replayed 100 times
then i realised it's your heart that's too far

你划定楚河汉界
我不能轻易犯规
所有时间 都是先给了你优先权
不自觉 爱到不敢冒险
成了你的傀儡一年两年
才看见我有多狼狈
you drew the boundaries
i cant make mistakes easily
all the time was given priority to you
unknowingly i'd love till i no longer dare to take any risk
became your puppet for 1 year 2 years
then i saw how pathetic i am

爱到妥协 到头来还是误解
抱着你 不让你飞
历史不断重演 我好累
love till compromise in the end is misunderstanding
i hugged you refused to let go
history keep repeating itself i'm so tired

爱到妥协 也无法将故事再重现
你已下最后通牒 我躲在我的世界
love till compromise also can make the story resurface again
you made the last move i hid in my world

你划定楚河汉界
我不能轻易犯规
所有时间 都是先给了你优先权
不自觉 爱到不敢冒险
成了你的傀儡一年两年
才看见我有多狼狈
you drew the boundaries
i cant make mistakes easily
all the time was given priority to you
unknowingly i'd love till i no longer dare to take any risk
became your puppet for 1 year 2 years
then i saw how pathetic i am

爱到妥协 到头来还是误解
抱着你 不让你飞
历史不断重演 我好累
love till compromise in the end is misunderstanding
i hugged you refused to let go
history keep repeating itself i'm so tired

爱到妥协 也无法将故事再重现
你已下最后通牒 我躲在我的世界
love till compromise also can make the story resurface again
you made the last move i hid in my world

你只是害怕一个人睡
我不想再为你掉泪
我了解 不会再仍在徘徊
开始自己的明天
you're only scared of sleeping alone
i dont wish to cry for you anymore
i understand and wont hestitate anymore
i'll start my own tomorrow

爱到妥协 到头来还是误解
抱着你 不让你飞
历史不断重演 我好累
love till compromise in the end is misunderstanding
i hugged you refused to let go
history keep repeating itself i'm so tired

爱到妥协 也无法将故事再重现
你已下最后通牒 我躲在我的世界
love till compromise also can make the story resurface again
you made the last move i hid in my world

is sending a SMS really that hard?

杨丞琳 - 带我走

每次我总一个人走
交叉路口 自己生活
这次你却说带我走
某个角落 就你和我

像土壤抓紧花的迷惑
像天空缠绵雨的汹涌
在你的身后 计算的步伐
每个背影每个场景 都有 发过的梦

带我走 到遥远的以后
带走我 一个人自转的寂寞
带我走 就算我的爱
你的自由都将成为泡沫
我不怕 带我走

每次我总独自远走
抱持缄默 不皱眉头
这次你却说一起走
彼此温柔 从此以后

白马溜过漆黑尽头
潮汐袭来浪花颤动
凝在海岸结成了墨
蔷薇朝向草原气球
邮差传来一地彩虹
刻在心中拍打着脉搏

yawn. yet another act of cowardice and stupidity on my friend's blog. sometimes i just wonder when can those people grow up and realised that they are just wasting their time on stupid things like making criticisms and insults on a tagboard. some even worse, they dont even have the courage to put their names down. well, if you did not offend the blogger in the first place, why would the blogger blog bad things about you. and yet the blogger was kind enough not to mention names. haha. just how stupid to admit that you're the one behaving like an idiot as per described in the entries.

if you think i'm saying about you and decided to leave me a tag scolding me, then congratulations to you. why? because you have just admitted that you're an idiot. =)

always remember, "do not do onto others, if you do not want others to do onto you"

this weekend is so happy. saturday we went to takashimaya kinokuniya. haha. i went there trying to search for manga to read. but it's all RAW! dont have the subbed versions yet. sigh. even though i am learning level 1 japanese but i cant read RAW manga. lol. so anyway, we went down to cathay to watch Push. it's nice!! haha.

sunday went for a movie marathon at cineleisure. haha. first was Watchmen. kinda boring. sat there till my knee caps pain and butt aching. lol. nearly fell asleep in the middle. but i must say that one of the actor is quite good. then the second movie was Kung Fu Chef. nicer than Watchmen definitely!! but it's only half the showing time. haha. people anyhow sit on our places somemore. make me miss the first few minutes of the movie. zzz. cant understand why people cant even read numbers at the right hand corner of the chairs. after that we went to Giant IMM. lol. this is the first time in my life i bought so many cup noodles at one go. haha. there's like 11 cup noodles. at least 6 different types. haha. 2 packets of mamee monsters too! haha. it's really crazy and fun. hehe.

anyway, gotta sleep. have lab in the morning tomorrow. or rather in 9 hours time. haha. good night!

おやすみなさい。

received this from an email, so it's not written by me.. just to share with everyone. it's written in traditional chinese. heex. i'm abit lazy to rewrite it in simplified chinese. gomen gomen. but i added an english version. haha. (*^-^*)

---

很清楚的知道她不合適自己，可是更確定的是他不會主動說分手。他只是耗著等著，直到有一天女生自己受不了忽冷忽熱、若即若離的態度，或是等到年華老去不得不下決定時，自己選擇離開。妳的主動離開，我沒有負心，反而是尊重與成全妳的決定。
even if he knows clearly that she's not suitable for him, he also knows that he wont be the one initiating the breakup. he's just waiting for a day when she can no longer take the hot and cold attitudes from him and choose to leave him. if she left him, it's not his fault, and he will respect her decision.

半年後發現，他居然可以跟一個只認識三個月的女生步入禮堂，令她晴天霹靂，才明白他不是不想結婚，不是真的不婚主義者，說穿了只是他不想跟妳結婚。八年的愛情長跑比不上三個月的感情。
half a year later, he actually married a girl whom he barely knew for 3 months. it was a huge impact on her. then she came to realise that not that he dont want to be married, he didn't want to marry her. 8 years of love cant even match up to 3 months of infactuation.

這位故事中的男生是我的朋友，現在也已經結婚半年。當他聽到劉若英的「後來」，居然會無法克制的流眼淚，想起的是他交往八年的前任女友。為什麼會難過，因為妻子身上有著前任女友的影子，他才明白其實他喜歡的就是這種類型的女孩。
in this story, the guy is my friend and he's been married for half a year. but whenever he hears the song "hou lai" by liu ruo ying, he cant help but started tearing as he began to remember all the times he had with his ex-girlfriend. why was he sad? it's because he can sees her shadow on his wife. only then did he realised the one he really love is this type of girl.

可是人往往很矛盾，喜歡她的倔強與有性格，卻受不了她的嬌縱。喜歡她的落落大方，卻受不了她的朋友一堆；你愛她的小家碧玉，就不要怪她不夠大方；你愛她的活潑大方，就不要批評她像花蝴蝶一樣。戀愛談的愈長，結婚的可能性就愈低，所以有時候戀愛的長度與結婚的可能性成反比。
but humans are always contradicting. he loves her stubborn-ness and character, but couldnt take her whining. he loves her being outgoing, but couldnt accept the fact that she has alot of friends. he loves her being a humble girl, but he blames her for not being generous. he loves her sociability, but he criticise her as a flirt. the longer in a relationship, the possibility of getting married is lower.

喜新厭舊是人性，日子久了，會結婚不是為了愛情，而是責任感的驅使。婚後的他才慢慢的發現，當時的那一段感情其實不是不愛，是時間太久了太長了，把愛情給磨掉了，再遇到另一個女孩點燃了愛情的火苗，星星之火足以遼源，把枯竭已久的愛情給予生命，所以倉促的決定結婚。等到真的結婚後，愛情降了溫，才慢慢的發現其實妻子的身上有著許多前任女友的影子，他比較愛的人其實還是前任女友，可是他娶的卻不是她。這樣的情節不知道是不是也在別處同樣上演著？
liking new stuffs and detesting old stuffs is human nature. once it's long enough, marriage isnt out of love anymore, it's out of responsibility. after he's married, he realised that it wasnt love. it was time that made the love dried up, so when he met another girl, the flame of love was rekindled. it relighted the emptiness in love for him, thus marrying hurrily. after marriage, when the temperature went down, only then did he realised there's alot of her shadows on his wife. he actually love her more than his wife, but the one he married wasnt her. wonder if this kind of situation is happening somewhere too..

學生時代的愛情很單純，出社會以後總想等工作穩定以後再結婚，工作穩定以後又想等有一點積蓄買車子、買房子以後再結婚，等著等著，等到愛情被時光給消磨，等到第三者介入點燃了對方心中激情的火苗，乾柴烈火不可收拾以後，曾經在年少一起織夢的理想全都抵擋不了新鮮感的激情，所以琵琶別抱，到最後步入禮堂的都不是在一起同甘共苦、共同經歷過寒、暑假，等當兵的人。
the love during schooldays are pure. but once one stepped into the society, after a job is stable, it would be marriage. but after the career is stable, want to save money for buying car and house, before getting married. waiting and waiting, love is tested by time and when a third party came into the picture, it rekindled the flame of love for one party. the dreams that were weaved together when they were young, couldnt resist temptation from someone new. in the end, the one who walked the red carpet with him, wasnt someone who went through thick and thin with him.

所以奉勸各位女孩子，如果對方真的是你想結婚的對象，不要想著有房子有車子有金子，有了一切再結婚。現實是，等他有了一切，他的身價暴漲是有價值的單身貴族，他必需要面臨的是更多的誘惑，妳長久以來的等待與年輕時許下的山盟海誓都難以抵擋誘惑排山倒海的來。就像我現在若不嫁他，非得等到他有車子有房子還有存款時再結婚，那時新娘有極高的可能不是我。因為要等到什麼都有還要幾年？有能力的男人就像酒愈久愈香醇，女人則像麵包一樣有賞味期限，青春是女人的天敵。如果我是他，等到我三十五歲，什麼都有是個有上千萬身價的黃金單身漢，我並不需要一個很有能力而年過三十的女人來幫襯我，我寧可選個如花似玉，年輕貌美的女生，也許沒有什麼工作能力，至少發揮了賞心悅目的功能，一個真正有能力的男人，不會在乎一個女人是否能在他的財富上加乘。遇上對的人，莫等待莫蹉跎，也許沒有房子沒有車子，只要他認真上進，他就是張有潛力的積優股，早點進場獲利更高。
a piece of advice to all ladies, if the other party is someone you really wanna marry, do not wait till he owns a car, house and is rich. once he has everything, his value would increase and he has to resist all sorts of temptations. you will be wasting the youth you had spent waiting for him, the promises, when he chooses someone else. a capable man is like wine, the older the better. but ladies are like bread, we have expiry dates. youth is our limiting factor. if i'm him, and i'm 35, and i have everything (millions of wealth) and single, i dont need a capable woman who is financially independent. i would rather choose a young and pretty girl without any abilities. so when you have met the right one, do not wait till he has a house, a car. if he's diligent, eventually one day his potential will shine and be successful.

也提醒各位男士，如果對方真的是你想好好疼愛的女人，別讓她等太久，有她一起陪你奮鬥應該是很美好的一件事除非你心中有其他的想法，否則別讓愛情等太久，把真愛都磨掉了！雖然聽起來很殘忍,但身邊的家人朋友都有類似的例子。
also a piece of advice for the gentlemen, if the other party is someone you really love, dont let her wait too long. having them by your side is the best thing that can ever happen. unless you are thinking otherwise, do not let love wait too long, as true love may also wrinkled through time. even though it may sound very cruel, but everyone around me has such examples.

真愛，就不要等，除非是不想結婚......
if it's true love, do not wait, unless you dont wish to marry...

lalala. added a slideshow at the side. hmm.. but somehow the sidebar is a little small. and photobucket doesn't adjust the pixels to the sidebar. anyway, just rewatched fruit basket. still nice no matter how many times i watch it. now chasing this detective japanese drama, Q.E.D Shoumei Shuuryou. hehe.

to my friends, thanks for the encouragements and the same goes out to you guys too. it's true that tough times make us stronger. no one ever says it's easy to be in love and manage the relationship. it takes both hands to clap. if it's always one-sided, sooner or later the balance will be tipped off and things will eventually come tumbling down. so, always talk things out ya? love ya guys! *huggiex*

changed the blogskin to the dummyproof blog template. why? because he complains that every line of words, the first and the last words get cuts off. funny. so far he's the only one who has that problem. cant be bothered to maintain another blog template. so might as well use the dummyproof ones. hehe.

this week of holidays seem to pass so fast. monday got to submit pharmacology practical report. have yet to plot the curves. the results are so screwed that everyone is so frustrated. lol.

i cant wait for saturday to come. why? cause i will be out till sunday with my darling. hehe. (*^-^*)

by the way, anyone knows how i can make all my entries alignment become justified? >.<

emo day..

perhaps due to the fact that i am sick i get very irritated easily. or perhaps it's just pre-ms-ing. or perhaps of the mahjong today. not that i lost money. in fact i won 6bucks. so you may wonder why am i so emo. cause 2 players were smoking throughout the entire whole game.

the words they said throughout the day just reminded me of things that happened previously. and i knew it. he never read my blog anymore. how "comforting" to hear that..

people who dont know the story behind why i hate smokers i can understand. but someone who knows the story so well, asking others not to smoke in front of me and all that.. dont wish to say anymore. since the person that should read all these, doesnt do it anymore. what's the use of writing on this blog..

i'm just nothing more than being a burden and irritatign person to him.

周杰伦 - 说好的幸福呢

你的回話凌亂著.
在這個時刻.
我想起噴泉旁的白鴿.
甜蜜散落了.

情緒莫名的拉扯.
我還愛你吶.
而你斷斷續續唱著歌.
假裝沒事了.

時間過了走了.
愛情面臨選擇.
你冷了倦了我哭了.
離開時的不快樂.
你用卡片手寫著.
有些愛只給到這真的痛了.

怎麽了.你累了.說好的.幸福吶
我懂了.不說了.愛淡了.夢遠了
開心與不開心.一一敘說著.你在不捨
那些愛過的感覺都太深刻.我都還記得

你不等了.說好的.幸福吶
我錯了.淚乾了.放手了後悔了
只是回憶的音樂盒還旋轉著.
要怎麼停呢

Jewel - Foolish Games

You took your coat off and stood in the rain,
You're always crazy like that.
And I watched from my window,
Always felt I was outside looking in on you.

You're always the mysterious one with
Dark eyes and careless hair,
You were fashionably sensitive
But too cool to care.
You stood in my doorway, with nothing to say
Besides some comment on the weather.

Well in case you failed to notice,
In case you failed to see,
This is my heart bleeding before you,
This is me down on my knees

These foolish games are tearing me apart,
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart.
You're breaking my heart.

You're always brilliant in the morning,
Smoking your cigarettes and talking over coffee.
Your philosophies on art, Baroque moved you.
You loved Mozart and you'd speak of your loved ones
As I clumsily strummed my guitar.

Well, excuse me, guess I've mistaken you for somebody else,
Somebody who gave a damn,
Somebody more like myself.

These foolish games are tearing me, tearing me, tearing me apart,
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart.
You're breaking my heart.

You took your coat off,
Stood in the rain,
You're always crazy like that.

emo entry..

promises are meant to be kept, not to be broken.

truthful words were finally out. he feels irritated by me asking him to quit smoking.

and i'm sick of the excuse "i did not smoke in front of you. that's already an effort. why cant you be appreciative?"

previously he set the deadlines himself. but none was kept. his reasoning was during oct and dec he did. but to me, that was because he didn't go to work. he was at home 24/7 during those two weeks and i'm there with him everyday. so reasoning objected. this time i set the deadline. and perhaps he finds me unreasonable by doing so.

so he asked "do i love him less than i hate him smoking?" i cant answer. for these two cant be weighed on the same scale. i hate smokers. but i love him too. do you know that feelings of being torn apart from within? i guess you dont. if you do, will we be having that debate?

promises yet to be realized are hopes. promises that are broken are hurt. yah. i'm always very pessimistic. but is there anything i can "make the best out of this shit"? the only thing i'm optimistic about is that one day, eventually, you'll quit for good.

he said he always say i childish, but ultimately he accepts it. so why cant i do the same for his smoking? smoking is not an intrinsic character. it's something extrinsic. it wasn't there before. so why cant things just stayed the way it was? a change occurred and it's a change that i cant just accept in short-term. or perhaps even in the long run.

he said he wants to give me everything that i want. but i dont want anything except him to stop smoking. so i asked him, does he really wants to quit for good for me or does it comes from within him? the answer was.. "cause you're not happy about it." then my next question is.. "why pick up in the first place?"

to me it's like, whatever he tells me to ensure me, to make me secure and trust him, only treat my "symptoms" (ie. emotional stress). but doesnt solve the root of the problem (ie. smoking). spent some time explaining to him this 治标不治本 theory. after full explanation, he got fed up or rather irritated.

you know something? i'm no longer angry with him smoking. it's to a point whereby i dont wish to care anymore (ie. smoke for all i care). but i'm still upset and disappointed. everyday asking him how many sticks he smoked, so that finally there'll be a day when he tells me "i stop for good. =)"

he finds me irritating, but i always asked in a joking manner. he said "you asking me to quit, but everyday you must remind me about it by asking me the question!" i didn't mean it that way. honestly. i only wished for my hope to come true. someday.

since he said that our very first agreement was for him to stop smoking before we get married (that's if ever we're going to). so i gave him a choice. "so i let you choose. my birthday this year, or before we get married. if we're ever going to, it'll already be 4 to 5 years of you smoking." i didn't really get a definite answer. so i supposed he chose the latter, since there's much more time for him to quit.

it's my wish to see him quit before my birthday this year seriously. it was one of my birthday wishes last year. since it's not going to come true, no harm saying it out already. and i think he no longer reads my blog to understand my feelings more. if he did, i wouldnt have to re-explain how i felt at the bbq to him again.

he told me in office he treats them like how he always treat me "go take it yourself. it's over there" but do i see it? no. so how am i supposed to know? if this is truly the case, what is the difference between a girlfriend and any other girls?

within me, there's a struggle. one part of me tells me that he really only loves me and dotes on me alot. but another part of me doubts whether am i really his girlfriend. cause sometimes words doesnt match actions. actions always speak louder than words.

so i said is it better for him if he's without me? he ask me back "what makes you think that i want that?" what makes me think that way.. cause i'm always being put down by his words. be it during normal conversations, jokes or quarrels. i always take someone's words seriously. be it whether it's angry words. cause after all, angry words are true 70% of the time. so all these are as if telling me, "you're such a terrible girlfriend who cant love me and accept me for who i am, my smoking habits" so in my eyes, wouldn't he be better off without me? sigh..

time to try to sleep. gonna wake up early tomorrow to go school for project meeting. good night.

Ai Otsuka - Kingyo Hanabi

心に 泳ぐ 金魚は 恋し 想いを 募らせて
真っ赤に 染まり 実らぬ 想いを 知りながら
それでも そばにいたいと 願ったの
the goldfish that swims my heart is in love
making these feelings grow stronger
turning red, I knew nothing would come of feeling this way
but still I wished to stay with you

夏の匂い 雨の中で
ぽたぽたおちる 金魚花火
光で 目がくらんで
一瞬うつるは あなたの優顔
the scent of summer in the rain
the goldfish fireworks trickling down
I was blinded by the light
for a moment, I can see your gentle face

心に 泳ぐ 金魚は 醜さで 包まれぬよう
この夏だけの 命と 決めて
少しの 時間だけでも
あなたの 幸せを 願ったの
hope that the goldfish swimming in my heart
is not engulfed in ugliness
its life just lasts one summer
even if its just for a little while,
I wished for your happiness

夏の匂い 夜が包んで
ぽたぽたおちる 金魚花火
どんな言葉にも できない
一瞬うつるの あなたの優頗
the scent of summer, blanketed in the night
the goldfish fireworks trickling down
I can't seem to find the right words
for a moment, I can see your gentle face

夏の匂い 雨の中で・・・
the scent of summer in the rain...

Katekyo Hitman Reborn Opening #5

Mitsuoka Masami - Last Cross

ねぇ　二人は偶然出会う運命なんかじゃなかった
あなたが最後に逃げ込んだ場所が
ただ私だったのかもしれない
hey, we weren't fated to meet by chance
I probably happened to be
the last place you took refuge in

それでもそれが必然の始まりだった
葬ったいつかの記憶の欠片達が
色褪せることさえもまだ出来ないままに
今でも変わらずに思い出してる
きっと全てがいつか繋がり合って...　消えないようにと...
still, that was the beginning of the inevitable
the buried shards of memories from the past
unable to fade away even yet
I still remember without change
someday everything will overlap... hoping it won't disappear...

錆び付いているこんな時代の中で
いつだって私はここから祈ってる
もうこれが最後であるようにと
あなたを苦しませる全てのモノに早く終わりが来るようにと...
during the rusted era like this
I'll always be praying from here
hoping that this will be the end
"that all things tormenting you will come to an end soon..."

ねぇ　二人で誓った日の眩しく歯がゆい永遠
本当はどんなものよりいびつだったこと
そう初めから気付いていたの
hey, the radiant, vexed eternity of the day when we promised each other
I knew from the beginning that
it was actually distorted than anything else

歩き出すその先十字架を背負って行くこと
知っててもだれより明日を見据える為に
何かがそっと壊れ始めてしもう前に
いつでも離さないよう握りしめてた
きっと全てがいつか重なり合って...　想えるようにと...
to be carrying a cross from hereafter as I walk out
although I know that, in order to gaze at the future more than anyone
before something begins to break quietly
I held on tightly so I won't let go
"someday everything will overlap... hoping I can feel that way..."

錆び付いているこんな景色の中で
誰だって煌めきをずっと探してる
そうきっと明日は誇れるようにと
あなたを幸せにする全てのモノが私の近くにあるようにと...
in the rusted scenery like this
everyone searches for a radiance forever
hoping to be proud tomorrow
"that all things that will make you happy will be close to me..."

錆び付いているこんな時代の中で
いつだって私はここから祈ってる
もうこれが最後であるようにと
あなたを苦しませる全てのモノに早く終わりが来るようにと...
during the rusted era like this
I'll always be praying from here
hoping that this will be the end
"that all things tormenting you will come to an end soon..."